Jessica Dennehy is a Bestselling Author and CEO of Pivot & Slay.
Most people don’t embrace hearing others point out their flaws. Your first reaction may be to deny the information, push back or lash out at the messenger. But if you’re willing to view the information objectively, something amazing could happen. It’s time to stop getting insulted and start collecting the data.
I found out the hard way that being judgmental of others and quick to take offense to their observations were products of not owning my flaws.
I’m very close with my family and cherish making deep, meaningful connections with others, but it wasn’t always easy for me. I was often impatient and irritated by their imperfections. Then I began to question why I couldn’t establish the bonds I craved.
It took some self-reflection to realize that my quickness to get offended by what I didn’t want to hear was a defense mechanism—a way to avoid examining my own flaws. I wasn’t truly happy with myself, and I wasn’t willing to accept others pointing it out. Once I recognized what was happening, I could use it as a tool to improve myself and elevate my life and work.
I pivoted my perspective from “they don’t know what they’re talking about!” to “bring on the information; tell me the truth!” I was ready to supercharge my personal and professional growth.
In this process of self-examination, it’s important to recognize that not everyone has your best interest at heart. Let’s be real: Some people (including colleagues) will be nasty or hurtful because of their own issues. There is still value to be gained from the feedback they provide. The first step is to accept the information without an immediate emotional reaction. Initially, this will be challenging. Detach yourself from the emotional impact and allow yourself to view the statement objectively.
Next, ask yourselves if the feedback holds any truth. This step will help you determine if the data is worth embracing. If the information you receive is true, aligns with your values and enhances your life or your work, keep it. If you receive feedback about a quality or trait that is detrimental or unhealthy, work on changing it. The key is to identify whether the feedback you receive is positive or negative and then use that information to improve yourself and your business.
For example, someone close to me once commented that “nothing is ever enough.” Although it stung initially, it made me realize that my ambitious nature and my desire to achieve big goals are what truly motivate and inspire me. I love that aspect of myself, and it has played a significant role in getting me to where I am professionally. I was not going to change that quality about myself because someone else felt it was too much for them.
However, their comment also pointed out that I didn’t fully embrace and enjoy the present moment. I couldn’t deny the truth in that observation. This prompted me to pause and reflect on how I could savor every moment rather than rush on to the next thing. It sparked my awareness of a habit that wasn’t serving me.
This kind of self-reflection is just as important in business as it is in your personal interactions. Being judgmental or quick to take offense will hinder your ability to effectively lead a team and run a successful company. You are constantly receiving feedback from multiple sources, such as employee and client interactions, partners and mentors. Keep an open mind and honestly assess their feedback. Acknowledge that no business is perfect, including your own. Ideas from outside sources can lead you to make positive changes that better serve your business.
For example, if a partner suggests you have outdated or inefficient business practices, approach their perspective simply as informational. Analyze it in the same way you would technical data to minimize the sting to your ego. Ask yourself if the practice in question is serving your company mission. If the alternate idea aligns with your values, implementing the changes could be just what you need to reach the next stage of growth.
Adopting a perspective that views both positive comments and those that could be viewed as insults as opportunities for growth has transformed my life and work. As I become happier and more content with myself, I naturally attract people who are aligned with my values and aspirations. These are individuals who also believe in personal development and appreciate my personality. Conversely, those who resist this positive change have gradually faded away from my life.
Instead of allowing insults to wound me, I choose to embrace them as areas for improvement. This empowers me to make meaningful changes and surround myself with people who are more aligned with my beliefs and values.
Use this feedback-processing approach with your professional relationships as well. For instance, has your mentor given the same constructive criticism more than a few times? Consider whether you find their feedback valuable or if there is a misalignment between you and your advisor. A good mentor is supposed to challenge you and offer insights you don’t recognize on your own; however, if their advice contradicts your values or doesn’t enhance your life, it may be time to move on.
Your employees are also an amazing source of feedback you can use for improvement if you are open to listening to what they have to say. They can shed light on the client experience, workplace atmosphere and employee concerns that you are not regularly exposed to. Making necessary staffing or policy changes based on the information you receive can ultimately elevate your entire organization.
It’s time to stop getting insulted and start collecting the data. Feedback, even when delivered harshly, can be a valuable tool for personal and professional growth. By receiving feedback without immediate emotional reaction, evaluating its truth and leveraging it to improve yourself or your business, you can create significant positive changes. Shift your perspective to use feedback as a catalyst to slay your life and work.
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