Dr. Sarah Adler, PsyD, is a Clinical Psychologist, Stanford Psychiatry Professor and Founder/CEO of Wave.
As a clinical psychologist, CEO, mother and cisgender woman, I’ve observed endlessly shifting cultural attitudes toward women’s roles in the workplace over the past couple of decades.
Two trending terms have risen to prominence over the past few years, and I was surprised to have been asked more than once to comment on “a new war” between the “girl boss” and the “lazy girl job.” Well, yawn.
An invitation to pit female identities against each other is tedious at best and insidious at worst. While these phrases appear to empower women to lead with boss energy or to prevent workplace burnout, both concepts reinforce harmful ideas about women: that we lack nuance, categorize easily and are best understood in opposition to each other.
Understanding Tropes In The Workplace
The “girl boss” phenomenon, which originated as a feminist term encouraging female entrepreneurship and ambition, has, unfortunately, established another unrealistic standard of perfection for women. It sets the expectation that women must assert themselves with unrelenting force, be perpetually resilient and sacrifice personal needs for professional gains.
I get it; it’s appealing. Who doesn’t want to be a superhero? But does this label tie strength to traditionally “masculine” traits? A classic form of internalized misogyny. We don’t say “girl doctor” or “girl lawyer”—and if we do, we should stop.
Perhaps a reaction against the demanding expectations of the girl boss era, enter the new “lazy girl” trope. Holding the coveted “lazy girl job,” she claims to promote work-life balance, self-care, and the prevention of burnout by doing the bare minimum at work (and getting paid well for it).
I understand this is meant to alleviate the pressure of the “girl boss” ideal, but it runs the risk of promoting the idea that we are “lazy” if we try to take care of our mental health at work or achieve work-life balance. I get trying to reclaim laziness, but again, I wonder if the label might be causing more harm than good.
The Impact
Regardless of the truth that underlies either stereotype, dichotomizing female workplace personas ranges from reductionistic to damaging. It exacerbates the universal pressures women already face. Women, like men and all humans, are complex individuals with a range of characteristics, ambitions and capacities.
Women can be ambitious and self-caring, assertive and cooperative, strong and nurturing. Women can work obsessively hard and take mental health days. None of these traits is mutually exclusive. And no one can thrive in a box.
Sure, trending terms are fun to discuss, and when they emerge, we can observe a cultural zeitgeist without internalizing it. Or can we? What if, instead, we sit in the “both/and” by moving aspiration away from binaries and toward a more fluid, dialectical understanding of women?
What better place to start than roles in the workplace? The celebration of female empowerment and success is crucial, as is the attention to self-care (and other care), not to mention a focus on mental health. But let’s not constrain ourselves with false dichotomies. What if we stop with the labels and instead make an effort to expand our thinking to both understand and celebrate our own complexities? Hear it again: and.
Changing The Conversation At Work
Fostering gender—and all other forms of—equality and empowering women in the workplace is not only a moral imperative but a proven strategic advantage for businesses. There are tactical things leaders can do to empower and engage in needed behavior change.
You can’t change what you can’t measure, and all change has to start with knowing where you are and where you want to go. Start by collecting baseline metrics by which to measure growth. But what should you measure?
1. Do the women in your organization have access to the same growth opportunities as their male counterparts? What is the current representation across the organization for high-impact assignments?
2. Does the company provide flexibility that supports the complexity of the labor that women carry outside of the workplace?
3. Are there mentorship/training opportunities to help women navigate advancement in their careers? Are there policies addressing the potential lack of equity?
4. Are there gender-based pay gaps in the company? Are there plans to correct them?
5. How are performance metrics evaluated for gender-related biases? What kind of training are managers receiving to ensure they are aware of bias and correcting for it? Is there transparency?
6. Is there diversity in the organization of people from all backgrounds, experiences and viewpoints?
7. Do others in the organization feel they can discuss the above openly without retribution or judgment? Is there a culture of collaboration/feedback?
8. Are there HR policies in place that signal to women that they are valued? Is there a zero-tolerance policy for harassment? Are there safe reporting policies?
It’s important to monitor to ensure growth. These metrics can also be generalized to measure equity in any underrepresented population in an organization, e.g., LGBTQ+ people and people of color.
Making Room For “And”
“It is literally impossible to be a woman,” claims America Ferrera as Gloria in the record-demolishing Barbie movie before she spends the next couple of minutes monologuing a list of the stereotypes of women. Shall we take a note from this movie and its offering of proper airtime to a more full description of women?
Women are real live beings who navigate our professional and personal lives on our own terms sometimes—though often at the mercy of society and others. Sometimes, we are hardcore and empowered, and sometimes—even on the very same day—we are tuning out in bed watching Love Island (clearly talking about a friend).
Maybe, just maybe, these seeming opposites aren’t opposites, but simultaneous. These descriptions may not be neat, or palatable, or easily aspirational; they may take up “too much” space, and at the very same time, they allow our many facets to exist, even when society perpetually demands for our parts to be less than a sum. Shall we give something different a try?
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