Anne Lackey is the co-founder of HireSmart Virtual Employees, a full-service HR firm helping others recruit, hire & train top global talent.
When “cancer” drops from the doctor’s lips, it’s as if those six letters hit the floor and alter the planet’s gravity, a new weight in everything.
I was that patient. I’m also a business owner. The blindside news rocks personal and professional frameworks like a storm. The business owner wants to be OK but also fears for her people: her family, employees and clients. We mourn the loss of our old plans and are forced to rapidly construct new ones at home and at work.
I see all the pink in October, and it gets to me, the experience of living through cancer and knowing the vast impact it has in countless lives, and the business world, too.
I don’t profess to know what works for others, but here is my framework, and perhaps it will help another business owner who receives that dreaded diagnosis. I call it “Anne’s A-List”: acceptance, assessment, accountability, action and arrival.
Acceptance
There is no “should” in emotions—only “is.” We don’t choose our feelings. They simply happen. And the feelings roar when you get that word. Just let them. Right away, accept that it is OK to experience the flood of emotions and questions. I never smoked. I eat well. I don’t live in a risky way. But I was diagnosed with tongue cancer. I felt disbelief, rage, sadness and worry. My husband was in emotional turmoil, too. Why? How? What? These words vexed us. We started multiple businesses together, which requires a life of constant planning. We took joy in mapping every turn in our journey. Cancer was never in the plans. For two dark weeks, we lived in an emotional abyss. We were sure I would die tomorrow or perhaps the day after that. Don’t judge yourself for such panic. Just recognize that the emotional bomb drop is also a call for assessment, accountability and action.
Assessment
Like Randall and Beth in “This is Us,” my husband and I often play the worst-case scenario game. It’s part of our business thinking, always assessing whether the “worst” outcome can be overcome before we make a decision. After the diagnosis, my “worst” case was me gone, my husband’s life in disarray, my employees losing their livelihood and my clients no longer served. Obviously, not everything could be in my control. But some things could. And here’s the big one: Establish your “Prime Directive,” as in Star Trek, which takes precedence over any other considerations and carries the highest moral obligation. My goal was this: survive, but if cancer beats me physically, it won’t beat the business or defeat us in spirit. We are unified in purpose, which is bigger than any individual, including me. Once you have a goal like that, the emotional chaos begins to give ground to the logical work necessary to fill gaps as you pull back from duties.
Accountability
Who will carry out your Prime Directive? Who’s in this with you? I wish every cancer patient to have as worthy a “right-hand man” as I do in my husband. Each patient needs that special go-to person to be energized for you in carrying out the prime purpose. Can you identify that person and lean on them? Maybe it’s a spouse, a best friend or a sibling. They need the truth, whether anyone else gets the full story. They need to understand where you are physically and emotionally. Otherwise, they won’t be as helpful as you need.
On the business side, go through a checklist: Are all of your business processes, contact information, and operational guidelines documented? Do bills, salaries and other financial obligations rest solely on your shoulders? If so, move quickly to find help. Do you have any legal loose ends to tie, such as a will, power of attorney, or any provisions for your business that need legal teeth? Do you let loyal customers know about your situation? If so, when? Transparency can foster understanding and patience from clients.
Action
Every action should line up with your Prime Directive. Step one is to survive. In my case, this required surgery to remove a third of my tongue. Thankfully, I’m cancer-free now, but the surgery resulted in severe nerve pain. I had to learn to eat and talk again, and I must use a lymphedema machine twice daily for the rest of my life. My energy took a severe hit. During treatment, allow yourself to choose your actions and don’t feel constrained to one mindset. Some days, you may feel incapable of steering your brain to any work duties. On other days, business tasks can be a mental refuge.
Arrival
The cancer diagnosis is a bomb dropped into your life, and emotional chaos comes with the territory. But as you work through assessing, finding your Prime Directive, establishing your team and taking action, you arrive at something else. You’ve done what you can do. And that’s all you can do. There’s peace in letting go. There’s also a paradoxical nature to some of our greatest tribulations. They are both dark and illuminating. Cancer takes you low, but it also shines a light on what’s important: the fact that life is short and you need to make time for what you want to see and do. Cancer makes you mindful of what you have.
Every day, so many people hear the six letters from the doctor’s mouth, and the word falls to the floor, altering the planet’s gravity for the recipient. That’s why we stand together, helping each other bear the weight. It’s how chaos gives way to calm. It’s our Prime Directive.
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