Have you ever heard the saying, “Show me your friends, and I can tell you your future”? Well, this article explores the possible benefits of having strong and supportive friendships and provides strategies to improve both personal and professional relationships.
According to a LinkedIn study, approximately 85% of job placements rely on networking, which poses challenges presenting barriers to entry for Black professionals who have historically been excluded from major networks and markets. However, these challenges can also serve as a solution while offering a pathway for individuals looking to redefine their ideal work environments and lifestyles with their communities and friends.
Your friends can significantly shape your future, influence your decisions, and even affect the opportunities that come your way. Often, discussions about success and wealth revolve around money, overlooking the value of time and the return on investment achieved by carefully selecting and spending time with supportive, genuine, reliable, and goal-oriented individuals at the right times and within spaces that align with everyone’s shared interests.
Many of us naturally build our social networks over time through activities such as outings, work, school, common interests, or mutual acquaintances without much thought. However, it’s also okay if you’re currently in a phase of life where you’d like to advance your career, expand your social circle, and make more effort to connect with more individuals who share similar professional interests and goals, possess creative collaboration potential, and can teach you something new. If this is the case, then adopting a different approach and intentionally putting yourself out there can lead to the cultivation of a more enriching circle of friends.
Here are 5 strategies to achieve this:
1.) Be Honest
Authenticity is a powerful tool. Think of it as using search filters when shopping online. Search filters are attributes on product listing pages used to refine search results and narrow down a selection of product inventory or options. Using search filters allows users to find the most relevant results according to the product characteristics they select. That said, start by being honest with yourself about the person you aspire to become, the skills you want to acquire, and the qualities that define the successful life you envision for yourself going forward. Then, use this self-awareness as a guide to “filter” experiences by assessing compatibility between you and others and clearly communicating your needs and desires to people you meet from this point forward. Just as you use filters to sort by color, size, style, and more when shopping, invest your time and energy in people who align uniquely with your preferences and match your expectations.
2.) Review Your Contacts
Take a look at your social media and phone contacts. You may find missed connections or individuals whom you overlooked who share your interests or are already part of industries that align with your passions. Don’t hesitate to reach out, ask for help or introductions, and connect with them.
3.) Group And Compartmentalize Your Friends
Begin by reflecting on your social circle and recognizing individual strengths. Then, celebrate and focus on these strengths when interacting with friends. This creates an environment in which your friends can support you to the best of their abilities. Doing this strengthens the sense of support and security you feel from them, leading to fewer disappointments. For instance, if you have a strong interest in technology among other topics but have a friend who’s passionate only about event planning, consider connecting with other friends who share your tech interests instead of trying to merge your friend’s interest in event planning with your new interest in technology. This way, when your favorite tech conference comes to town, you can invite a tech-savvy friend who’s genuinely enthusiastic and willing to prioritize the event, reducing the risk of last-minute cancellations and disappointment compared to inviting your event-planning friend, who may not share the same level of interest in tech—which is perfectly fine because they have their own unique interests and strengths that remain valuable and useful in different settings, times, and experiences.
4.) Distinguish Between Criticism, Support And Disinterest
Distinguishing between criticism, support, and disinterest is important for understanding others’ intentions and maintaining healthy relationships. Mastering this skill enables you to pinpoint the most valuable relationships and individuals worth investing your time in. Criticism aims to identify flaws and often comes with specific feedback but can be negative in tone and result in tension, repeated misunderstandings and defensiveness. Support is flexible, it is intended to encourage, guide and offer assistance, solutions and opportunities for collaboration. Typically support is conveyed with positivity, enthusiasm and empathy. Disinterest signifies a lack of engagement or concern, often expressed with indifference or inconsistent and flaky behavior. Recognizing these cues can help navigate interactions effectively.
To better help you assess friendships that may or may not be right for you, here are some questions you can ask yourself that can help you determine if a friend is supportive, dependable, and capable of organizing their time and energy accordingly:
- Does my friend actively engage in problem-solving with me when there are challenges instead of complaining or removing themselves from doing the work necessary?
- Is this person open to collaborating on projects and are they reliable?
- Does this person enthusiastically share their own knowledge and resources?
- Have they shown clear consistency in their actions and words?
- Do they prioritize ethical and direct communication over deceptive or contradictory communication?
- Are they fair, reliable, and trustworthy in both professional and personal matters?
You can also use these same questions to gain a deeper insight into how people perceive you when they are initially getting to know you. This way, you can make sure that if these are your expectations of others, they also align with the attributes you are embodying and displaying to the world.
5.) Participate In Relevant Activities
Attend meetups, conferences, and community events that relate to your career interests, creative interests and goals. These gatherings offer chances to meet like-minded individuals and to engage in conversations and activities that are action-driven and focused, as well as opportunities to participate in relevant projects, and collaborations.
Implementing these techniques and strategies can be highly rewarding and transformative. Drawing from my experiences and interactions, particularly within the Black community, I’ve observed that many individuals have a hard time with setting boundaries, advocating for themselves, articulating their desires clearly and openly, and not promptly distancing themselves from disinterested individuals who cannot contribute to the experiences needed to achieve their goals. All of these factors can complicate the development of solutions, attracting and aligning with the right opportunities/people and addressing the root causes of a situation, whether it’s personal or professional. Additionally, I believe that as a collective, we can continue to grow and benefit from recognizing the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who actively support our goals and aspirations and share mutual interests.
Understanding these skills and techniques is essential for improving quality of life. Learning to navigate different aspects of relationships reasonably can broaden your networks, providing you with more options and opportunities to choose from.
Your social circle is an investment, and it’s especially significant for entrepreneurs and professionals seeking security, confidence, and autonomy over their lives. Having a supportive group of friends enhances self-esteem, trust, coping skills, and communication abilities, all of which contribute to strong and successful leadership and decision making in the business world.
Furthermore, enhancing networking, tactical and analytical skills empowers Black entrepreneurs and professionals to connect with a broader range of people who share common goals, allowing for resource pooling, a stronger collective voice, diverse perspectives and community empowerment, which can subsequently lead to policy advocacy. Achieving success in these areas relies on clear and organized thinking, communication, collaborative efforts, and a shared commitment to common objectives with others willing to contribute and show up.
These are a few suggestions. In my opinion, if put into action and maintained consistently, such techniques can be used to establish a more aligned network of connections and friend groups, which can significantly strengthen and improve one’s current social situation in a relatively short period of time.
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