A lot of people these days bill themselves as performance coaches.
But I haven’t met one yet whose credentials can match those of Greg Harden.
For decades, people from all walks of life have come to Harden for advice and direction. He’s perhaps best known for his work with seven-time Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady, Heisman Trophy winner and Super Bowl MVP Desmond Howard, and 23-time Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps. He’s also coached dozens of NFL first-round draft picks, 120 Olympians from more than 20 countries, plus hundreds of other world-class athletes, doctors, lawyers, teachers, and business leaders.
Harden’s new book is STAY SANE in an Insane World: How to Control the Controllables and Thrive.
Harden says “human beings are the only creatures with the ability to decide they’re not going to be the same today as they were yesterday.” So, how does that mindset affect a person’s ability to change?
“It opens a door for someone to know that change, which is inevitable, is something they can embrace,” he says. “Unlike other creatures, who cannot decide to be different, it opens a door in your mind and makes it clear you absolutely have the ability to improve, to find out what’s working and not working, and to look in the mirror and decide what you like and don’t like. Then you can deliberately and intentionally transform yourself in the areas that need improvement.”
Harden quotes Eleanor Roosevelt as saying,“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” That idea seems related to the “imposter syndrome” that often affects people in the workplace.
“The ‘imposter syndrome’ has one craving attention and approval from others,” Harden says. “You’re someone who is constantly picking yourself apart. With that mindset, if someone comes guns blazing at you and you’re the type who is always afraid of failing and always doubting yourself, you become an even easier target to someone who wants you to feel inferior.”
Some people sabotage their own success with what Harden calls “SDABs,” or “self-defeating attitudes and behaviors.”
“The most common SDABs are not letting go of yesterday’s baggage, blaming others, and not being able to handle constructive criticism,” he says. “To replace those pieces, you need to allow yesterday’s baggage to be P.A.S.T.—Previous Actions Somewhere in Time. You must allow that past to be what it is—history. It’s about not letting the hurts of a 12, 13, 14-year-old drag into your life as a 30-year-old. Blaming others becomes a habit. But when you are solution-focused, taking responsibility for your role in any scenario is enhanced. If there’s a problem, instead of making excuses and blaming others, you begin to take ownership of the problem. If you become committed to looking at what can be done to solve an issue, you then break that habit.”
Harden says being critically conscious of your “why” is an important step to gaining clarity of purpose that enables high achievement. “If my purpose is to help people and change lives, and I’m not confused about that or questioning it,’ he says, “it increases my ability to be effective and achieve a higher level of performance.”
Self-confidence, he says, plays an important role in responding proactively to change. “When you attribute your success to hard work and not to luck, you begin to develop confidence that not only can you handle change, but you’re also confident that you can thrive because you have data that says you have been successful in the throes of change.”
There are some in our society who seem determined to promote a victim versus oppressor narrative. Harden has an insightful response to that viewpoint.
“If we’re clear we’re not talking about child abuse, domestic violence, elder abuse, or genocide, then I’d say you have to push people to not self-identify in the role of victim,” he says. “To be victorious over that, we must not just try to survive but also train ourselves to thrive and overcome all weapons formed against us. You must state to any and all: You will not have power over me. You will not have power over the way I think. You will not have power over the way I feel. In training myself to control the controllables, I am consistent at rejecting the idea of being the victim.”
“Get out of your own way” is advice Harden often gives to people he coaches.
“The greatest enemy any of us have ever faced is fear and self-doubt,” he says. “You have to train yourself that fear and self-doubt are predictable, therefore they are manageable. You also have to be willing to commit that the enemy within—your own thoughts, attitudes, and behavior—will not be allowed to sabotage your goals and your dreams.”
Harden says a personal SWOT analysis (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) can be useful in a self-improvement journey.
“A great SWOT analysis should be a dramatic episode in self-honesty,” he says. “It opens the door to being critically conscious of what is working and what is not working in my life. What do I need to eliminate from the ways I’m operating? What do I need to enhance and improve on in the ways I’m operating? Being able to recognize the opportunities that are around me, and the threats to my personal success, helps me create personal goals.”
Harden offers examples: “If one of my weaknesses is negative self-talk, I can deliberately decide to increase my awareness of when I do it, how often I do it, and what are the phrases in my head that are redundant and damaging. I can train myself to let the habit of negative self-talk trigger new habits. If one of my strengths is being good at building people up, I can make a commitment to increase the number of times in a day that I take advantage of that strength and build stronger relationships and organizations and work groups.”
A mindset that Harden recommends to anyone seeking top performance is what he calls he 100% challenge.
“That challenge suggests I have to practice train and rehearse in pushing myself in everything I do, especially the things I don’t like,” he says. “If we’re talking about studying, or pursuing adult learning activities, I not only increase the number of opportunities to do it, but I give everything I’ve got in that setting. If I can give 100% to the things I don’t even like, by the time I get to the things that I love, I will have developed a habit where pushing myself is now second nature. And it reinforces that the mental game is the game.”
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