When you are with someone and your smartphone, are you really with that person? Or are you actually more with your smartphone? Increasing smartphone use has given rise to what some may consider a “phubbing” ridiculous trend—people spending way too much time on their smartphones even when they are supposedly in the company of other people. It’s gotten to the point where people can end up feeling snubbed by the smartphone user on a date, meeting, or some other get-together. And this practice has given rise to a term that is a portmanteau of the words “phone” and “snubbing” and has been trending on social media: “phubbing.”
Yep, searching for this term on TikTok and other social media platforms will reveal lots of phubbing complaints. So, if you sift through all the posts with the hashtag #phubbing on your smartphone while on a date, you’ll find many people who are not very happy about what you happen to be doing. But at least you’ll have company, because phubbing seems to be going on quite a lot.
In fact, a new publication in the journal Computers in Human Behavior even included the term in its title: “The mediator role of effective communication skills on the relationship between phubbing tendencies and marriage satisfaction in married individuals.” This publication described a study of 712 adult married individuals from some cities in the Central Anatolian region of Turkey with 48.7% of them being female and 51.3% male and their average age being around 37 years. For the study, Suat Kılıçarslan, PhD, and İzzet Parmaksız, PhD, from Niğde Ömer Halisdemir University administered three sets of questionnaires—the Marriage Satisfaction Scale, the Phubbing Scale and Effective Communication Skills Scale—to this sample of people. The Phubbing Scale is measured via a questionnaire that lists 10 different mobile phone-related activities and rate each on a one (meaning “never”) to a five (meaning “always”) point scale as to how often it happens. This included asking people thing like how often mobile phones disturb their communications and how obsessed they are over their phones. The higher the score the more phubbed up people were.
And guess what a higher phubbing score was associated with when it came to the Marital Satisfaction Scale? Ding, ding, ding. Imagine a smartphone notification saying, “BREAKING: a lower marriage satisfaction score.” And a lower marriage satisfaction score is exactly what this study found. There was one encouraging finding, though. The study did find that among those who scored high on the Effective Communication Skills Scale, there wasn’t the association between higher phubbing and lower marriage satisfaction scores. Presumably, these folks weren’t communicating just through using emojis. So, there are some ways to counteract phubbing.
Nevertheless, the fact that the word phubbing sounds like the word flubbing is rather appropriate because doing too much phubbing may end up flubbing your relationships. In other words, when you favor texting, sending emojis, scrolling through what the Kardashians said, or “liking” cat videos over engaging the person in front of you, it could be a bit of a turn-off. After all, how often do you hear someone say, “Honey, let’s go out to that nice restuarant for dinner so that I can see your forehead while you are looking down at your phone?” Or “That date was fantastic, and I especially liked it when you were ignoring me while you doom scrolling on your smartphone?” When you seem like you are on a date with your cell phone, the other person present may feel inclined to say, “Would you and your phone like some alone time and get a separate table together?”
So how do you prevent your smartphone use from phubbing up your relationships whether they are romantic, friendshippy, or professional? Well, you can, you know, try to stop phubbing so much. Consider putting away your phone when you are around real people. And make sure that the phone is physically out of sight. Otherwise, your phone can be kind of like a five-year-old or a politician in front of you and keep saying, “Pay attention to me, pay attention to me.” So physically sticking your phone into your backpack, handbag, pillowcase or whatever else you use to carry around your belongings can reduce the temptation to look at it. You also may want to turn all of your notifications off because do you really need to hear a ding each time Elon Musk tweets (or Xs) something on Twitter or X?
If you can’t seem to put your phone away or start having physical withdrawal symptoms when you do, then you may unfortunately be addicted to using your smartphone. Being addicted to anything—with the possible exception of avocado toast—is not good. So, phubbing may be a sign of a bigger issue that could even require help from others.
Alternatively, your phubbing could be subbing for dealing with some other issue. Could you be using your phone as a crutch to avoid interacting with the person in front of you? Perhaps you are a bit shy or have run out of things to say? Or maybe you genuinely do not like the person. Either way, phubbing may not be the healthiest way of dealing with the situation.
Expect all of this to be growing problem as smartphone use becomes more and more common and their apps become more and more human like. Of course, smartphones won’t be able to offer everything that real live humans can offer. They can’t completely replace all of the benefits of human contact. And they won’t leave or break up with you if you aren’t treating them how they deserve to be treated. No, they will always be around, inviting you to use them more. And therein lies a big part of the problem.
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