Words have power. Think about it: words make you look confident or powerful, insecure or weak, reliable or flakey. As a leadership coach I’m constantly noticing the words that leaders use… and the effect they have on their teams.
Here are 6 words that diminish your power and diminish the confidence others feel in you. You’ll also see helpful alternatives too:
1. But – this takes the wind out of one’s proverbial sails. It negates or reduces the benefit of what was said before it.
“You’re a terrific salesperson, but your reports are often late.”
Consider Yet or And instead.
“You’re a terrific salesperson, and yet your reports are often late. What will you do to change this?” Feel the difference? The call to action to rise up and improve?
2. Should – this word can be blamey, make someone wrong, or even highlight victim mentality.
“This should be easier.”
Consider Could or Would instead.
“This could/would be easier if we simply ____________.” Notice the solution focus? The outcome focus versus powerlessness?
3. Try – remember Yoda’s wise words to Luke Skywalker “No, try not. Do or do not, there is no try.” Try is hedging language, it’s giving yourself an out in case you want to be flakey. It’s non-committal and weak. Leaders don’t try. They do.
“I’ll try to make that deadline.”
Consider putting a stake in the ground and saying Will instead.
“I will make that deadline.” Then people will trust that you will indeed come through for them.
4. Problem – are there truly problems? Or maybe there are simply challenges to overcome or opportunities to seize? When we focus on the problem we stay in Critter State, where we bask in fight, flight, freeze. Yuck.
“Houston, we have a problem.”
You’re better than this. Consider saying Challenge or Opportunity instead.
“Houston, we have a challenge. And here’s what we’re going to do about it.” Let’s take the initiative and fix stuff.
5. Maybe or Might – again, hedging language, where a person is non-committal and gives themselves an exit clause.
“I might ask for help on this.”
Instead, say what is:
“I’ll ask for help on this if I find I need it.” Feel the difference? The recipient now knows you’ll speak up if needed.
6. Just – this is a tricky word, as it slightly diminishes or trivializes what you’re talking about. It can also feel victimy or blamey.
“I just want to be understood.”
Instead, tell it like it is:
“I want to be understood, so I’ll check in to ensure my communication is clear.” Way to own it! Woo!
Notice your language, edit it, and you’ll enjoy the improved experience of trust and leadership others have of you.
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