Research indicates that 79% of women struggle with self-esteem issues. Another survey found that 63% of women reported decreased self-esteem after becoming a mother.
While there are many potential contributors to poor self-esteem and self-doubt, there is no denying that such issues can lead to serious challenges in your daily life — both at home and at work. Self-doubt can become a crippling influence that makes you doubt your abilities and contributions. Left unchecked, it can lead to burnout, hindering personal growth, creativity, and depression and anxiety.
For working mothers, few things can be more important than ending self-doubt. Getting these feelings under control will help you in your career and with your family.
1. Look at the Big Picture
Understanding the full picture of what is going on in your life is essential for practicing compassion — especially when things go wrong. Empathy and showing appreciation for others are crucial at work and in your family, but they’re also important for how you view yourself.
Consider this example from Jennifer Farrer in an article for Motherly: “Your husband opens the cabinet to grab a coffee mug and finds a melted heap of what once was a pint of ice cream on the shelf. You think, ‘I am such an idiot!’ Observe what is really going on. When putting away the ice cream, were you cleaning the kitchen, packing lunches, talking to your husband about his day, and responding to client emails? If so, what was happening was that you were doing many things at once and accidentally put ice cream in the cabinet. Proceed with compassion. Reframe the situation as if it were happening to someone you care about.”
Dr. Catherine Toomer, Wellness & Weight Health Physician, adds, “Putting an end to self-doubt is first recognizing it is a normal part of growth, especially in new situations – motherhood being one of them. Acknowledging the normalcy of having the feeling helps control negative self-talk (which only amplifies any adverse feeling)”.
Taking a step back will help you realize that you’re doing a better job than you think — especially when you’re tempted to be overly critical of yourself.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
As the saying goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” — and that’s especially true in the age of social media. Research has found that when people compare themselves to people on social media who they think are doing better or happier than themselves, they feel worse about themselves.
It’s important to remember that everyone has a unique journey through life. What works for you and makes you feel good as a working mom may look different than what works for someone else, and that’s okay.
Take time away from social media to avoid making unhealthy comparisons if necessary. Instead, judge success by your own personal progress.
3. Write In a Gratitude Journal
One way to eliminate self-doubt is by refocusing your attention on the positive things that happen each day. Recording the things you are grateful for both at work and with your family can help you better recognize what you are doing well so you can overcome self-doubt.
Studies have found that individuals who regularly wrote in a gratitude journal became more positive, developed a more optimistic outlook for their future, and even slept better than those who journaled about hassles and problems.
Daily gratitude journaling can reorient your focus with the right mindset for approaching challenges at home and work.
4. Surround Yourself With Positive People
Working moms are often their own worst critics. Often, the best remedy for this is to surround yourself with positive people — the people who are your biggest fans, who support you and actively build you up.
Whether these people are family members, friends, or coworkers, spending time with them and sharing your feelings can help ease your mental burdens while gaining much-needed support. These positive people can help you identify your strengths and what you are doing well so you can replace feelings of self-doubt.
A strong, positive support group can also help you identify if you need professional help dealing with self-doubt and insecurities.
5. Question Negative Thoughts
Working moms often struggle with negative thoughts that paint their actions at home and work negatively. These negative thoughts are often inaccurate or helpful; if you’re not careful, it’s too easy to make negative thinking a habit.
Anxiety Canada offers a helpful list of questions you can ask to challenge negative thoughts, such as: “What is the evidence that this thought is true?”, “What is the evidence that this is not true?” “Have I confused a thought with a fact?” and “Is my judgment based on how I feel instead of facts?”
As professional moms, we must eliminate the negativity that makes us feel insecure and subpar. Being a mother and having a career is not a zero-sum game; you can do both at 100%. So what if your version of this looks different than how other working moms manage their lives? Dr. Amy Loden, MD at Vitality Medical and Wellness Consulting, says, “As a physician, public speaker, and mother to 4 amazing humans, my life looks different than other ambitious, driven working mothers, as it should. If all of us were the same, the world would be boring! We each get 8,760 hours yearly to invest; you can spend them doing what you love and spending time with the people you love, or you can spend them in self-doubt, criticism, and insecurity. Shed these energy-draining thoughts and feelings to create space to give your best to your family and career.”
Training yourself to question feelings of self-doubt when they arise will help you put negative emotions into proper perspective. Chances are, they are usually unjustified or not as big of a deal as expected. Reframing your self-doubt will give you greater confidence to take on challenges at home and work.
You Can Overcome Self-Doubt
Self-doubt is extremely common for working mothers — but you shouldn’t let it derail your progress. As you implement these practices to show more compassion to yourself and develop a more positive mindset, you’ll be able to put self-doubt aside and unlock your full potential.
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