Last month I attended a climate summit in New York City. I was not, however, at the U.N. General Assembly. Instead, on the same day that world leaders were addressing the deterioration of our planet, I was across town among parents and educators discussing the climate around youth mental health.
Making Caring Common (MCC), a project of the Harvard Graduate School of Education (where I serve as an advisor), assembled a panel of experts including faculty director and founder, Dr. Richard Weissbourd (author of “The Parents We Mean To Be”) and Kiran Bhai, MCC’s schools & parenting programs director. They were joined by authors, Dr. Lisa Damour (“The Emotional Lives of Teenagers”) and Jennifer Wallace (“Never Enough”). The program was moderated by NBC education correspondent, Rehema Ellis, who skillfully pressed panelists on issues of mental health.
Adults are desperately seeking strategies to support young people in facing the challenges of an increasingly complicated world. The discussion addressed the rise of anxiety and depression for both students and parents, the influence of social media, loneliness, toxic achievement culture, and an absence of caring for each other and the common good. I left this engaging hour as clear as ever that we must demand climate change. Our young people are in crisis and it is incumbent upon us to address the environment within which many of them are coming of age.
Weissbourd set the stage by citing research about declining mental health and increasing achievement pressure–the mixed messages that students and parents receive about what is valued. He emphasized that “a huge number of kids are achieving just to achieve and it is making them miserable.” Weissbourd also identified a “crisis of meaning and purpose” and the need for “strong durable and caring relationships” that will allow young people to cultivate meaning.
Meanwhile, Wallace explained that her reporting found that, “achievement has become entangled with our kids’ sense of self.” She noted that ”the kids who are thriving despite the pressures are those who share a sense of mattering for who they are deep at their core,” adding, “they feel valued for who they are as a person” beyond their resume.
It is important to note, as Damour often points out, that emotional well-being doesn’t mean a lack of distress. She makes the distinction that “mental health is about having feelings that fit the situation, managing those feelings effectively, and having coping skills.” She emphasizes that “it is not just about feeling good or being happy. It is about how we manage the feelings of living.”
The college admission experience is a rite of passage facing many high school students, and it is one in which feelings are often difficult to manage. As a school counselor, I have seen an alarming shift over two decades in how students approach—and talk about—this experience and how they react to the accompanying emotions. Especially with selective college admission, young people are increasingly unable to cope with the fear of failure and the perception that they will not measure up. They are stymied by expectations and perfectionism. A time that should be marked by joy and opportunity is fraught with the pressure to achieve and feelings of inadequacy that lead to, or accentuate, anxiety and depression.
It is tempting for parents and educators to simply encourage students to stress less about admission, but that is like expecting our planet to be immune to the damage we are doing to it. Wallace explains that “for the climate to change, we’re going to need all stakeholders – parents, teachers, coaches, and other trusted adults in the community – to work together.” She offers these strategies for addressing this issue:
Home
Wallace says, “Because our kids are bombarded with messages on the importance of achievement, home needs to be a haven from achievement pressure, a place to recover from all the demands put on them. It is natural for parents to want their children to have the best educational opportunities. At the same time, it is essential that we know when to dial back messages of ‘do better’ when we see the child is developing maladaptive perfectionism and anxiety.” She adds, “I have a senior living at home, and I’m making a very conscious effort not to allow the college admissions process to dominate his final year in our home. I encourage parents to reclaim their child’s senior year; don’t give it away to a broken process.”
High Schools
“We can start by prioritizing community mental health,” Wallace emphasizes. She says, “Like primary caregivers, teachers need to focus on their resilience so they can be a source of support for their many students. Do your teachers feel like they matter? Research finds that teacher resilience is critical to the well-being of students. Do your teachers feel valued? Do they have a community where they are cared for?” She encourages schools to “assess the mental health of teachers. For example, the nonprofit Authentic Connections Groups offers support for teachers, administrators, and non-teaching staff, as well as for parents.”
Colleges & Universities
Wallace says, “It’s time to start holding universities with bloated endowments responsible”. She cites Yale Law School professor Daniel Markovitz’s book “The Meritocracy Trap,” in which he argues that universities that function as “exclusive clubs” should lose their nonprofit status and tax benefits. She agrees with Markovitz, saying that “even a small increase in the number of places available can help to relax the intense competition among all students.” Wallace also suggests that “universities should have a ‘well-being report card’ of their students and faculty/staff showing how they compare to national norms, just as K-12 schools do.” She adds, “High school students and their parents should know the overall levels of mental health and well-being that is reflected by students in their top-ranked colleges, as opposed to others.”
We are not going to change the climate around mental health with one single summit, though every educator and parent ought to watch the recording of this panel discussion. An impactful response requires sustained and innovative solutions. MCC’s Bhai explains that to maintain hope and progress we should, “focus on relationships and also bring accessible and culturally relevant resources to people where they are.” At home and in schools we must have open conversations about what really matters. The inherent value of each individual, connections to others and sense of meaning and purpose outweigh admission to any one college or group of schools. These are the elements our children need to be healthy and thrive.
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